BodyGateways… Centre for Women in the Healing Arts

Wow, it has been close to 10 months since I have posted here. While I have continued to update my additional pages of offerings to this site, posting blogs has taken taken a back seat, since last July. And, instead of actively engaging the activity of blogging to post for the process of my own Self-discovery, I have remained quiet on that front.

In the last 10 months, my life has been a whirlwind process of simply getting clear – and then some – about what is meaningful for me in sustaining my life AND coming to trust mySelf and my right to choose and my choices in ways that I have not yet known. I have known some serious disappointment AND I have known some serious joy. All of it has awakened me to my truth that I AM the only one who can deem, for mySelf, that I have arrived. I have spent too much of my life waiting for THE external sign that I have finally measured up, I have met the grade requirement. At 66 years of age, I know that I am in the process of leaving… leaving lots of things behind… letting things go… and allowing that my life is undeniably unfolding, exactly as it should.

Today is Mother’s Day. My offspring are adults now – one, a woman of 36 years and one, a man, soon to be 34. As I consider their individual and unique presences in my life, I know that I have become more, because they chose to arrive… and continue to be the arrival. Was my being a parent to them easy? No. Was it fun? Not aways; parenting seemed to be, for me, a continuum between the extremes of awful and wonderful, where – paradoxically – I forgot to consider everything in between. These days, I know that the space between the extremes is where the genius of living resides; there is no room for the experience of the continuum in polarizing opposites.

For a woman, steeped since childhood, in the life-long, entrenched perception of needing to comply, to perform and to measure up to some unspoken and powerful, social pre-fix of ‘Good Mothers do this (you name it)‘ – which, unawakened, I allowed to generalize to all areas of my life – ‘fun’ was alien terminology. I thought that I knew what it meant; however, I had no consistently sustaining experience of it as a continuum for living. Too bad for my kids in their distinctly unique processes of growing up, when the very idea of ‘measuring up’ was what drove my life in all of its many aspects from soup to nuts, from family to enterprise. Measuring up was what that they got to model… and it often, I have no doubt, must have felt like pretty heavy stuff to them.

So, now, I know things differently. I know that, as I choose to continue to lighten up, in my own experience of mySelf, I get to see that ‘lightening up’ outside of me in my adult offspring. Both my daughter and my son have respectively chosen to take their lives into their own hands, to choose for themSelves – and are discovering the serious fun in the seriousness of their individual and unique lives. And I can bear witness to that now, ’cause, at at my age, I am finally allowing mySelf to own the ‘shits and giggles’ of it all.

I spent yesterday with my daughter as she engaged with new and repeat clients wanting to learn more about her art form, to become educated and to purchase her work. She authentically makes it so easy for them and so much fun, ’cause she chooses that for herSelf. She is the one who has brought to my awareness, the idiom of ‘shits and giggles’.

Today, my son called me… with, of course, ‘Happy Mother’s Day, Mom’… regaling me with the stories of his recent, serious experiences… which, as I listened, became mammoth moments of laughter for me… out loud, with him. 3.5 hours of shits and giggles, in potent conversation with my son. Neither of us will ever be the same, moving forward.

What I know is that parenting is not for everyone. Knowing what I know now, I might have allowed mySelf to choose differently, back then. AND, I chose, as I did, back then. What I also know is that I continue to realize more of mySelf in whom I am choosing to become, now, at age 66, because these 2 phenomenal, quantum biological human beings chose to arrive when they did – on my holodeck – and continue to choose to arrive… for themSelves.

Happy Mother’s Day? Sure! Happy Human Being’s Day? You bet! Shits and Giggles? No question! These are the criteria that sustain my choosing to leave, so that I can continue to choose to arrive!

I never ceased to be amazed by the body’s willingness to reveal itSelf as a metaphor for the lives that we are choosing to live, whether we are consciously aware that we are choosing or not. My body is a conduit for the expression of me as GodForce; my body is the last frontier for my expression of Self; my body is a metaphor for the life that I am choosing to live. Is the life that I am living worthy of the Godforce that I AM?

For me, my life holds the potential to be fully hydrated in the GodForce that I AM. If, however, I fall asleep to whom  and what I AM, I’ll realize a finite and constipated existence… holding on, only to survive… instead of surrendering to the infinity of space, movement and flow, the natural feed for living a full and meaningful life.

Constipation shows up in the body, metaphoric to a life that knows struggle, resistance, bloating, discomfort, starts and stops, die-to-be-right AND no momentum…. metaphoric to a life that knows, as a mind set, hanging on, for dear life, to control what is out of our control. The paradox to this is that ‘control’ manifests as flow, in all areas of our lives, in the unprejudiced choice to surrender… to walk away from being a victim… to move toward being fully at cause for creating our lives and the structure of our current, personal realities. This means choosing to stop fault & blame of ourSelves and of others.

Constipation is a by-product of living a dehydrated life – physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. It shows up in the body, as the final frontier, indicative of a life that has known unquenched thirst as it’s truth. BSI, BodySpirit Integration, is the feed for satisfying that thirst, so that we come to know the flow in life that is one’s organic birth right and the by-product of being completely hydrated and sourced as GodForce.

The Ancient Mariner- one of my favourite poems – called ‘it’ in the words, ‘Water, water everywhere, yet ne’re a drop to drink.’ Flow is propelled in drinking in ourSelves, as GodForce, first & always.

When will we, as a species, drink the truth of our own sacred genius? That intelligence is the water of the soul that is everywhere – free to any woman who would fill her own cup. Yet, we continue to insist that we have ‘ne’re a drop to drink’… and in that, we continue to hold ourSelves as victims. It continues to be the mindless, self-perpetuating strategy that we run. In that, we continue to dehydrate and to constipate our lives. When did we choose to resist the water, the natural and magnetic flow of our lives, our birth right? When did we choose to close ourSelves down and to shut ourSelves up? When will we awaken to choose otherwise?

We already know ‘parched’, as a mindless and unnatural mindset made manifest, dare I say, ‘normal’, as the current truth of our lives (consider what is happening the world over, as we look at climate change, economic upheaval, political dishonesty, greed, famine, rape, murder and war). In contrast to that, we can know the undeniable joy of tissue saturated in GodForce, if only we would stop denying the truth of whom and what we are as Quntum Biological Human Beings. That truth is the drink, the communion of our lives in tissue. In that full surrender to the communion of Self, there is no start-stop, no struggle, no pain… and no need to die-to-be-right. There is, instead, the joyous momentum and the momentous joy that is worthy of the Godforce that each one of us is.

I heard Deepak Chopra speak in Kingston, Ontario, the other evening. I had won the tickets for me and a cherished friend. And I won more than the tickets! I manifested a superb experience of mySelf, in mySelf.

I had seen Deepak Chopra more than 20 years ago in Ottawa on a Sunday afternoon; it was a much smaller venue than Kingston. The night before this most recent presentation, a friend in California had asked me about my experience of mySelf in his presence, more than 20 years ago. I answered that my experience of mySelf was of the intensity of his gaze, like he was looking right into me…his eyes a portal to something unseen and unknowable. He was younger man, then; it was as if I could see into the depths of his soul… and I experienced what I called a sense of the humble in him, a profound humility in his presence.

So, here I was, the other evening and almost 25 years later, wondering if I would get to have such an experience of mySelf, again, of his eyes, as the portal to something.. the unknowable. So long ago, in a much smaller venue, I had created the opportunity for mySelf to stand right in front of his eyes, to say thanks to the essence of him, for what he was willing to share that was so meaningful to me. I was not to get that close, this time.

It didn’t matter. Even from a distance, I could see the light of him in his eyes… and, beyond that, I could see into the depths of his soul. The humility remains and it seems, to me, to have grown.

So is this really about Deepak Chopra? No. It is all about me. It is all about all of us.

Am I willing to look into my own eyes, beyond the quantum biological processor that is my body and that holds my eyes, to really see who I AM? When I do, am I willing to own my own sense of the humble, as the force of awe and great divinity that I AM? Am I willing to be fully present to the essence of the I AM that I AM, which invites my very tissue to re-create and to morph in the blink of an eye, in full support of my life?

Am I willing to become even more reverent of my spirit and of my body as the conduit for the expression of Me, the unknowable? AM I willing to see mySelf emerging, as whom I am becoming? Am I willing to have it all be a constant truth in my experience of mySelf, breath to breath to breath? Am I willing to be mesmerized by the genius of whom I AM and of whom we all are? And, as Deepak Chopra, expressed, so simply and so eloquently, when he arrived to the stage the other night – so authentically himSelf – that healing and holy mean one and the same thing, am I willing to know and to own mySelf as holy, as whole, as the ONE in my own life?

Am I willing to live with undeniable RIG {respect, integrity and generosity of spirit} for mySelf and for you?

Am I willing to know that I AM extraordinary? AM I willing to see and to know, in my very cells, that you are, too? Am I willing to know mySelf and to live as a GodForce and to hold you as one, too… fully honouring that you and I may never, ever agree? Am I willing to hold mySelf and you, not as reflections of some external god, but as uniquely and internally, God, ourSelves? Am I willing to really grok that?

Am I willing?

I AM.

When I remember whom and What I AM, I live a meaningfully sustainable life. For me, it is about being naked… in me, for me, by me. Knowing that, when things present in my life, I know that I have created it all. Knowing that, when I channel something… anything… and it fills every cell of my being, I am the One who is always, in all ways, directing and creating that experience. I am all of it.

I am choosing to be done with the Big Search. No more searching for mySelf… and when Self shows up, disengaging from it, so that I have, yet again, something to search for… as if the search is my reason for being. That continued and mindless strategy will only get me more of what I say that I don’t want.

How many times have I come home to mySelf, such that each and every cell in my body reverberates to the call of me as the bell home? And how many times, have I conveniently forgotten mySelf, in the search for whom and what I am…. as if the search, itSelf, was my purpose… as if that could/would keep me alive?

It is a choice. I have always been here; I just did not know it; I could not and would not claim and own that as the rite/right of my own passage to live. I was always looking for the next best thing… just in case I would miss out and be caught without the goods.

The paradox is that I already AM the goods. I am all of it. I choose to end the search and to simply live. I choose to know that I AM all of it. I choose to know that I create all of my life. I choose to mindfully own what I have known, yet put aside for so long, that whom I AM is Ancient Space… that whom I AM is Awakened and continually Awakens the Sacred in me… and ignites, provokes and evokes that reverberation in others.

I have known this about mySelf for so long, yet I have continued in the search for what  I knew was already there. Crazy making stuff! I called it evolution; it was my searching for mySelf… and, yet, I was already here, had revisited mySelf many times, then flipped mySelf and vacated, so that I could engage the search for Self, yet again. That strategy has almost cost me my life. When it got so exhausting, what did I manifest? Another search to find mySelf, so that I could exhaust mySelf again. I called THAT evolution.

I choose differently now. I AM here; I always have been. So I choose to stop the search.

Ok! So what’s that going to mean for my own evolution? Because, if evolution is no longer about the search, what is it for?

Good Question. Evolving is about remembering mySelf as already being both master and student in creating my life; I have been master and student all of my life; however, I had only honoured the student, not the master. Now, it is about fully allowing mySelf the richness of full expression and expansion in and of the light that I AM in every cell of my body, as the quantum device that vibrates to my choice to live at higher orders of thinking – connection to mySelf, vision and choice.

Search is futile. Evolution is bliss… owning the field that I AM in this present incarnation on planet earth. Nothing to do… just choose, choose, choose in my own breath of life.

Trust, declare and Discover! That is what the process of evolution is for me. My word is my law in my universe. There is nothing to search for anymore; in fact, there never was, if I had only allowed mySelf to fully notice and to own that. There is simply. in the Ancient Space that I AM, more and more to discover in my willingness to call it into presentation and to engage it. In that, I awaken the Sacred in me. In that I am the invitation for others to awaken to themSelves.

I have recently changed my business name from A.C.T & Inspire (an external reference) to BodyGateways (my internal reference). It was my clarity of awareness that my previous business name was no longer in alignment – if, indeed, it had ever been – with whom I know mySelf to be, that ignited my choice to change it.

I know whom and what I am. My undeniable knowing is the domain of the body. Like the body is the gateway to awakening and reclaiming the Self, I know that whom and what I AM is a gateway for others to awaken to themSelves, too.

Since knowing and owning whom and what I AM is the RSS feed for anything that I choose to create – including my ‘business’ – the name that I give to that endeavour must align with the truth of my experience. My business is personal and, while I know that I AM not it, paradoxically neither AM I separate from it.

Funny how simple it all becomes, when what I create actually mirrors whom and what I AM and I show up and engage in full claim of that truth. Vibration naturally attracts and Self-selects. Be mySelf and tell my truth… breathe. Nothing to do, except to show up and to engage where it is meaningful for me to do so.

No more beating the bushes for clients and results. Everything Self-selects relative to my intention of being open, clear, honest and direct… decloaked in every breath. It is me recognizing that clearly articulated and congruent definition is what attracts. It’s organic. No competition required. No competition wanted. That is a dance that I AM done stepping to.

No competition means that I mind my own business as the invitation for you to become even more clear about what is important to you in creating a meaningfully sustainable life. I naturally ‘do’ what I love and I AM abundantly reimbursed for sharing my gifts. Now, that is what being entrepreneurial is all about, in my book. It is never about being a ‘business’ owner; it is about creating, leading and being authentically contagious!

Anyone can buy themSelves a job; these days, that is what a lot of ‘business’ is, relative to competitive models. JOB = just over broke… and I am not talking about money, here, I am talking about states of being.

It takes courage to dance to your own moment-to-moment choreography in sync to the rhythms of your own internal drum beats… while inviting and encouraging others to dance, uniquely, to theirs. After more than 30 years of business ownership [I bought mySelf a job... four times {thank goodness that I finally woke up!}!], I know the odiferous bloom of competition is now dying on the vine; it has been in its death throes for a long, long time. It is now time to let it die, naturally, and to stop doing what we have always done in the throwing of fertilizer at the vine, in hopes that it will bounce back. It can’t and it won’t. You can’t stop the stench of the wilting stems of a collective already in decay.

If my life is my business, then I, for one, know that there is only one way to create, so that I live: breathe, be mySelf and tell the truth of my experience. Really, it IS that simple… and it IS that easy…. and it IS organic and green and alive. That IS BodyGateways! That IS me!